What's right about this?
What's right about me?
What's right about the world?
I had an epiphany the other day during a women's circle at my friend's house. I was thinking of something going on in the world, and in a disgusted tone I said in my head, "What's wrong with people?"
And then I thought, why don't I ever ask, "What's right with people?" There are lots of amazing things happening in the world and beautiful things to focus on, but I rarely do.
The last few days I've been running down the list of things that feel wrong or hopeless in my life. Never once do I stop to ask myself, "What's right about this I'm not getting? What's better now than it was 4 years ago?" (Granted, the list seems small, but it's a list none the less.) I immediately jump to what's wrong, and then my only two choices are to try and fix it (and then once it's fixed start looking for the next wrong thing), or feel like a victim and get depressed and hopeless about it.
It's easy to see what's not working right in our lives, and easier still to focus on what's wrong. That can be really depressing. It's taking a conscious effort for me to continually shift my thinking 180 degrees. Every time I think, "this sucks", I make myself look for something that doesn't suck about the situation.
For instance, the boys don't take naps anymore. Today I laid down with them, in an attempt to get them to sleep (it worked.) The whole time I was laying there, I kept thinking about what else I could be doing, and was mad that they couldn't just go to sleep on their own. Then I really stepped back and looked at the situation, flipping it 180 to look at what was right.
I had two sleeping children, nestled in my arms. I felt their breath, watched the rise and fall of their chest. I looked at the tiny foot perched against my leg, and knew it wouldn't be tiny for long. I thought of all the times I had wished they were just in school already, so I would have my days free to get to whatever trivial thing felt important to me at the time. I knew this was an invitation to be totally present in the moment, an invitation I would have missed if I had things my way and could have kept moving towards the next event in the future. Instead it was a chance to hold my babies and breathe.
Just breathe, and notice what was right in my world.