Feel like you're constantly nagging your kids to do stuff? Here's a synopsis of what I've learned in 2 different parenting classes I'm taking right now, and what I've done differently that has worked for me so far. 

1. Notice how often you say "I need you to" to your kids, and see if there is another way you could word it. "Would you please" or "I could use your help" or something like that makes them much more willing to cooperate.

2. Kids need states of flow, and we often yank them out of doing something that doesn't seem important to us but is in flow for them (playing with cars, drawing, on their phone), so if you're making a request when they are immersed in something it's less likely they will want to drop what they are doing and run to do what you're asking (we're the same way.) Try to plan in advance, and then enter into the flow of what they are doing with them. IE - your kid is playing with cars and you need him to get his shoes on to go to school. Give him the time warnings countdowns (even though they have no concept of when 5 min has passed), and then sit for a minute and play cars with them. Then say something like "Let's drive the cars over to the parking garage by your shoes, and while we are there we can put your shoes on." (This is for little kids obviously, I've found natural consequences work for older kids.)

3. We're wired to push against that which pushes against us. I tried an experiment with my 11 yr old one night, who has a hard time remembering to do chores etc. I decided I was going to let everything go for the evening and not nag him at all. After 15 min of sitting next to him I had barely said anything to him, because I noticed that everything I was going to say to him was a criticism. "Why didn't you do this. Why did you do this. You forgot this, again. Why do I have to ask you a hundred times?" It made me realize how almost everything I say to him is a demand or a criticism. I couldn't blame him for tuning me out. As I learned from Dr Shefali - connection with your kids is everything. Connection before control. Connection before command. Connection before direction. Even just asking how their day was and talking a little before asking them to do something seems to help.

Honestly, I think sometimes they aren't trying to piss us off, the things we want them to do just aren't important to them so they don't care. Easy for me to say to someone else - I get frustrated in my own house when I say the same things over and over and over. It's a process. 

Journey on..........

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