As Petrina and I were calling in for our radio show this morning, my worst fear finally came true. I couldn't get through! Skype wouldn't work, I tried on my phone and they told me I was coming in totally broken. As I watched the clock click off the last minute til show time and heard the intro credit roll, I had to hang up and try calling in on the landline. Amazingly, I stayed calm throughout the whole thing, knowing that even though I was a host instead of just a guest this time, everything would work itself out - somehow.
When I first started out as a guest on radio shows, I had a lot of anxiety. Not because I worried about what I would say on the show, but I worried about calling in and getting on the line.
You see, you can only call in 4 minutes before the show is supposed to start. 4 MINUTES? Do you know how much can go wrong in 4 minutes? Do you know how little time 4 minutes is to fix something that is wrong? And that's when I realized how much of my life I have spent expecting the worst to happen and planning for the "worst case scenario."
As a pilot, it's a good idea to be aware of the things that could go wrong and plan really far in advance. You could even say people's lives depend on it. Carrying that idea over into every other area of my life has not been a contribution to me. Constantly focusing on what could go wrong, or worse yet, EXPECTING something to go wrong, has kept me from seeing all the areas that things could "go right" and the multitude of possibilities that are available if I don't just focus on calamity. I've been keeping myself hyper vigilant to the problems instead of being open to the solutions.
No one died when I didn't make it on the air for the first few minutes of the show. In fact, no one might have known if I didn't mention it here. Petrina picked up the slack beautifully and we continued on like nothing had happened. Which is another big change for me. In the past I would have beaten myself up and over analyzed what went wrong to keep it from happening again, instead of letting it show me that not everything is a life or death matter. Things can show up in a different way than I had planned, or even in a different way than I would have liked, and life still goes on.
I'll leave you with my favorite questions to ask when something seems to be going "awry" -
What's right about this I'm not getting?
What's right about me I'm not getting?
If I wasn't making this hard, what would I choose?
What else IS possible here I haven't thought of?
And then when things seem to start "working out" and shift direction -
I wonder what's possible now?
Here's the replay of Living Consciously with Kass if you missed it.