I just finished a radio show with 3 magnificent powerhouses of creation - Christel Crawford, Heather Nichols, and Kass Thomas. These women are such an inspiration to me, and encourage me to create beyond what I thought I was capable of creating. One of the biggest realizations I've had from working with them is that I was resistant to owning my shitshow.
Definition of a shitshow - A description of an event or situation which is characterized by a ridiculously inordinate amount of frenetic activity. Disorganization and chaos to an absurd degree. Often associated with extreme ineptitude/incompetence and or sudden and unexpected failure.
I don't know about you, but one of the things I have resisted all of my life is being seen as a failure. I wanted to present the perfect image to the world and if it wasn't perfect, you weren't going to see it. That meant that most of the ideas that came into my head to be created left without ever seeing the light of day - either because I didn't have the time, know how, or ability to make them perfect (which was really just a judgement of myself anyway.) I now realize that my resistance to failing at anything has been my biggest roadblock to creating everything I desire with ease.
My life has been a total shitshow over the last week. My 6 month old twins had decided to stop sleeping through the night and stop taking naps (or taking alternating naps), which was making Mama one tired and cranky lady. On top of that, they were slathering their baby food all over their entire body like it was Oil of Olay. Every mealtime was followed by a bath for the 3 of us. To say that my energy over the last week was a little bit frenetic would have been the understatement of the year.
What I realized after spending an hour with these amazing ladies today was that it was my resistance to this sudden chaos and disorganization that had me going into conclusion about everything - that my life was hell, I didn't ask for this, the boys would never learn to eat from a spoon and would be bottle fed til the age of 3, that I'd never be able to run my business (or even just sleep) again -and therefore I was a failure as a mother and an entrepreneur.
Someone mentioned today that we have the choice to allow any experience to motivate us or to stop us. I was definitely allowing my judgments to stop me last week, and I was making myself wrong and being very critical of myself because of it. I'm now sitting here smiling instead of crying for the first time in a week, thinking about how my resistance to being a shitshow made everything a lot harder than it needed to be. Today I acknowledged I had been feeling depressed and making myself wrong for it, and once I stopped resisting it it suddenly lifted like a fog.
What would our lives look like if we allowed our shitshow to motivate us instead of stop us? Is it possible to embrace the shitshow? How much judgment do we have about the word shitshow and the words used to define it - frenetic, chaos, disorganized, inept, failure? If we stopped resisting those words and instead embraced every experience as an opportunity, would it make a difference? Could life be easier if we were willing to create from any space, even chaos?
I wonder what I'm capable of creating now? What about you?