Here I sit, day 3 in Costa Rica, alone in my hotel room, uncomfortable. The humidity is so thick outside I have trouble breathing, so I stay inside in the air conditioning. The room doesn't have a chair, and trying to sit on the bed is not very comfortable and doesn't help with the shortness of breath. The only other places to go are the pool and restaurant which are both outside. The frog in my room this morning was cute, but the one inch gap under the door through which he entered now makes me very nervous. The army of leaf cutter ants parading across the front porch is staying about 2 feet away from the door, but I'm afraid to leave for fear of where they will be when I get back. At least now I'm here to sound the alarm if they get too close for comfort.
To say this isn't the way I envisioned this trip would be an understatement. I'm thankful the guys chose not to come, Garry would have had a hard time with the humidity and I'm not sure H would have handled the three hour car ride without being carsick.
I came early for class (it doesn't start until Sunday) hoping to do some sightseeing on my own, but I have been too concerned about being comfortable to leave the resort. Granted, there are not many things for a pregnant woman to do in the adventure capital of Costa Rica, but even a ride down the river to see wildlife did not appeal. What if the bugs are bad? What if it's too hot? What if it rains? What if I have to pee a hundred times? So I've chosen (relative) comfort over adventure, fear of stepping into the unknown over exploration.
Will I be sorry I didn't venture further afield when I get back? Probably. And yet these three days on my own have given me an awareness that will most likely change everything. I find myself wondering, what have I made so vital about comfort? What am I not choosing (or creating), in the name of staying comfortable? What have I made so vital about comfort that I am willing to give up any other possibility? And as my long days in the hotel room can attest, I'm not really comfortable even when I'm attempting to stay comfortable at all costs. So WTF am I doing?
What would it take to choose creation over comfort? What if being uncomfortable is exactly what I need to shift this malaise I've been experiencing? I'm tired of being Goldilocks - too hot, too cold, too hard, too soft, too scary. It's time to shake things up and step out of my comfort zone. What better place to do that than in the steamy rainforest, under the shadow of a volcano, about to start a 7 day Access class titled "The Living Dream." Wow, I can feel things starting to shift already.