An animal hibernates to conserve energy during times of scarcity or stress. An essential phase of life - a gift that ensures survival. I have spent the last month in hibernation. Unfortunately, I didn't realize it until two days ago. Rather than considering it a gift, it has been a great source of anxiety. My brain fog, lack of motivation, and inability to accomplish much of anything has all been a great source of frustration. Instead of embracing my hibernation as a period of renewal and growth, I have done everything in my power to avoid this period of slowing down and going within. This period so essential to my survival.
I have prayed and bargained with God. I have been extremely critical of myself, wondering what could be wrong with me because I can't seem to get anything done. One step forward, two steps back - again and again and again. I have sought many outside references for relief. MD's for physical conditions, life coaches for spiritual solutions, always looking outside of myself for the answers. But the answers have been right here all along. After a reiki healing attunement on Saturday, I finally opened my eyes to the truth.
I don't need anyone else to heal myself. I have all the answers I need within. I keep praying to God to help me find someone to "fix" my problems, and he has, but I haven't been listening. I AM the solution to my problems. I have the key to unlock my restlessness. This period of hibernation has been forced upon me to make me slow down and see. See the steps I need to take(not the ones I think I need to take), see the growth that needs to happen before I can rocket forward. Embrace the changes that are happening in a gradual way, I am the only one rushing myself. I need this time to incubate. To rest, recharge, and renew, so when the time comes to emerge from my cave I am prepared. Prepared for the new direction my life is about to take.
I know what I need to nourish my body, but I haven't been listening. I eat things I know I shouldn't. I ignore the pleas to stretch and strengthen thru yoga. I find it more important to accomplish one more task than to sit and quiet my mind in mediation. I am over scheduled and over-worried and I've done it all to myself. I am the only one that can undo it. I'm the only one that can make it better.
I've been searching for a guru, and the guru has been right here all along. Now it's time to listen. I had a million things I wanted to get done this week, but I am giving myself an early Christmas gift. I'm not going to do anything I feel I "should" do, only what I want to do. A tall order, being that I have so much left to accomplish before Saturday. I've been ignoring myself and my needs for far too long, and I deserve this. How perfect, the best Christmas gift, given to myself.
I will not say a harsh word to myself all week. I will not force events to go a certain way, but sit back and let them unfold as they should. I will rest, relax, and enjoy this beautiful world and this beautiful life I am blessed to be living. And most of all, I will believe.