Unlike Peter Pan, I can't seem to get away from my shadow. In my last post, I discussed the selfish aspect of my shadow. My husband will be happy to know that I am no longer denying this aspect of myself, so I am now ready to clean my house.
Unfortunately, there's been another shadow lurking around for awhile now, and yesterday it decided it didn't want to be silenced anymore.
Over the last few years, I have started to question some of the "truths" I have believed since childhood. I am taking Walt Whitman's quote to heart - "Re-examine all you have been told.....Dismiss what insults your soul." Some of the truths I have been questioning apply to religious dogma. I currently find myself closer to God than I have ever been, and I am working on developing a personal relationship with him, without the church or a minister being my connection to him.
I was at the airport several hours early for my flight yesterday, and for some reason I was drawn to attend the non-denominational church service in the chapel. When the minister asked for prayer requests, I uncharacteristically raised my hand. I asked for help and guidance so that I could stop being so judgemental.
I have been having a real problem with this lately. I'm judging everyone and everything, and it's driving me crazy and making me really unhappy. Other parents at the school, politicians, frackers, co-workers, people I pass on the street - no one can escape my judgement. I seem to think that if everyone would just think the way I do and do things my way, the world would be a perfect place. And there in lies the shadow. Whatever or whoever I choose to judge, I am capable of those same behaviors myself. I am them, they are me, and we are all one. This was a strange concept for me at first, but the more shadow work I do, the more I'm starting to understand it.
So when the minister repeated the prayer requests in prayer, I was interested to hear his advice for me about being less judgmental. He said, "please help Kim release her judgements, and help her remember that we judge according to your word."
Hold on, did I just hear that? I asked to be less judgemental, not swap my own set of judgements for a different one. This is one of the reasons I'm falling away from the church lately, because I don't think anyone has the right to judge anyone else, no matter whose authority they believe they are following. It's not my place to judge at all, and I want to get rid of this tendency.
Ahh, there it is. The reason it won't go away. The reason that situations keep presenting themselves to me that cause me to be judgmental. I'm trying to kick it, cram it, shove it, shame it out of me, instead of giving it the attention it wants, so it can be released. This shadow aspect and I have a lot more work to do before I can move on, and I have learned a valuable lesson. Third party intercessions can be really helpful in some situations. But when it comes to the shadow, only you can do the work. Anyone else just gets in the way.