I'm still working, but I'm at home on an overnight tonight, and my son is coming to go swimming at the hotel pool.  Since I have to be up even earlier tomorrow morning, I know I won't have time to blog.

I've seen the following several times, and I don't think it's true.  Every time I get it, it is attributed to a different airline.  Not to mention the fact that the FAA doesn't have much of a sense of humor.  The logbook where this stuff is written up is a legal document, and we can get in trouble if we accidentally put the wrong date or forget to write the aircraft number.  I can't see the FAA having a laugh about this, but maybe you will.


After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'
pilots(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.

By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident. 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. 
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. 
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit. 
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order. 
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. 
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed. 
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level. 
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for. 
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. 
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right. 
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. 
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. 
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. 
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed. 
P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
More original thoughts tomorrow.  Off to the pool!

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