Don't confuse the important things in your life with the necessary things in your life. That was the message last Sunday in church. My life seems to be jam packed with important things, which I keep trying to finish before I will let myself do the necessary things, like writing. The message is certainly not lost on me, I just can't figure out a way to stop worrying about not accomplishing the important things.
I thought after my checkride was over I would have plenty of time to write, blog, do reiki and yoga, basically any activity that nourished my soul. I have done little of those things since last week, as the chores of life seem to keep multiplying on my never ending to-do list. What have I gained my putting my to-do list ahead of my to-be list? I've gained an unwanted attitude adjustment. I'm in a horrible mood, angry, grouchy, and generally pissed off at the world. I haven't felt like writing because I can't find anything that inspires me to write about.
Why is it that when I am in the right frame of mind nothing seems to bother me? Now, because I've fallen off of the happy wagon and can't seem to drag myself back up, everything seems to annoy me. The school board meeting I can't attend tonight because I'm working, the argument I just had with my husband, the fact that the sushi restaurant closed 20 minutes early - all these things would normally not cause me to think twice on a good day. Today they all got the better of me, I'm embarrassed to admit.
I'm trying everything I can to get myself back to a place of love. I read an interesting quote yesterday. It basically stated that there is no evil in the world, only misguided love. I don't know if I believe that or not, because it certainly seemed evil when I couldn't get my miso soup and shrimp tempura today. It does help me to realize that people aren't intentionally trying to piss me off though, so maybe I'll hold onto that. And I'm also going to try to make writing my first priority in the morning, before I do anything else. Maybe that will put me in a better mood right from the start. I'll let you know how that goes.